Daily Life · Family · Relationships · Uncategorized

Are You In A Relationship Hell?

There are several topics that I always try to stay away from. Religion, Politics, and Relationships. I try not to post about these, as it can become a sore point for all involved. However, as the amount of relationship idiocy spreads, I believe that something must be said. This post is written mainly for women. Mainly because I tend to have more female friends than male, but that being said – it will probably have some applications for the males out there. I’ll let them share their own opinions with you.

I want to share why I’m qualified to write this. I’ve been through my share of relationships. I’ve been married and divorced. I remarried. Having said all this, you might be asking why you should listen to someone who has been through 1 marriage and is into her second. That’s fair. Here’s my say – My first marriage lasted 7 years, I did everything I could to keep it going. It ended due to insolvable differences, but this isn’t about that. My point is – I tried hard and I learned a lot from each one.

I’m going to share what I have learned with you. Everyone wants to believe that their relationships are healthy. They have the perfect relationship and its’ true love.

 

  1. They lie. Now please don’t misunderstand me – everyone lies. I would love to say that it isn’t unnatural. It is not right. They shouldn’t be lying to you, but it does happen. What I mean is that if they lie to you about something once, you talk to them about it, then it shouldn’t happen again. When it happens again – that’s when you want to be careful. Lies that are continuous are a sign of a mentality, a predisposition if you will. Allow me to be clear – one time can be considered inadvertent, meaning not on purpose; two is an accident – forgetfulness; anything that happens 3 or more times – leave. They have a habit that they aren’t willing to kick.
  2. They take. This can come in many forms. Sometimes its them taking many things like your time or your money. Sometimes it’s them draining your emotions. Here’s a question – do you feel constantly supported? Or do you always walk away feeling like you gave 100% and they didn’t do anything for you? That is called draining. I had a friend who gave 100% to her relationship. The SO (Significant Other) never invested back unless it was to simply get her to stay. This isn’t healthy and giving it more time isn’t going to change anything.
  3. Your other relationships change. Now again – change is normal. Sometimes relationships simply fade away. You grow out of it or they move away. However, when you start losing friends like flies getting swatted out of the air, you should start wondering why that is. When relationships start disappearing – it’s typically a sign that this person is holding you back. They are keeping you from having those other friends that you need. When all your friends start telling you that something isn’t right. There is a problem. Sometimes it’s hard to see when we are living the moment. But, let me tell you – those butterflies won’t last forever and when they leave – you may be stuck with something you don’t like.
  4. No one wants to be around both of you. This sounds harsh but the reality is with new relationships – many times, your friends will feel like a third wheel. This doesn’t mean they need a relationship. What it does mean is that you need to lay off the PDA (Public Displays of Affection). I mean come on – that couple that makes out in the subway or the ones that take up extra room on the booth side of the table so they can have their hands all over each other – yuck! Get a room. Even married couples get disgusted by it. We all feel that way but keep it private please. My point is, when your friends only want to be around you without him, or him without you – that’s a sign that this relationship is codependent and unhealthy for you.
  5. You are constantly defending them. “Oh, but he’s going to change”. It’s my favorite line to hear. I swear I always have to cover my eyes before they pop out of my head and roll down the street. Let me tell you a little-known secret. He’s NOT going to change. Telling yourself that and others just makes you the laughingstock of the town. No one changes unless they want to and unless you see action on it – don’t believe the lie. It’s a waste of your time and energy. PS – No one changes on their own without help – that’s a lie too.

Look here’s what I’m getting at – People and relationships are complicated enough. You don’t have to be a mastermind to figure them out, but you do need to be equipped with some commonsense and some will power to learn. If you think that the relationship isn’t right – ask a friend. If you are unsure if you should marry someone – DON’T. That whole line about “If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends” from The Spice Girls, Yeah, they were really on to something. You can sit here and lie to yourself, but you will end up miserable and lonely. Remember it’s better to want what you don’t have than have what you don’t want – I promise.

 

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Daily Life · Relationships

The Influential Woman?

I had an interesting conversation some time ago. The gentleman who was a regular within the restaurant I managed. He made a point of telling me that women really don’t understand the amount of influence and power they have over men. It was interesting to hear such a thing from a man. It made me realize a few things. I have always known that women have had the power within the household to influence the mood and the direction of the household.

Lately, though, it seems as if women just don’t realize it. Let me help you all out, I’ve got only 3 points to this post, though I’m sure there are tons more out there.

  1. Attitude – Let’s start here. Ever heard the phrase “If momma ain’t happy, ain’t nobody happy.”? Yep – you guessed it – it’s totally true. Think about it – how often was your mom upset and you or your family would bend heaven and earth to make her feel better? I don’t know about you, but when my mother was upset – my father would get wound up faster than anything. His world and ours revolved around my mothers attitude. There is no such thing as a woman having a bad day alone. Our attitudes influence everyone we are around. Think of that one woman you always want to be around. What does she have? I bet she wears a good attitude all the time.
  2. Body – This one seems superficial, even I have to admit it. It’s amazing though to watch men stumble over themselves when a decent looking woman pays attention to them. Here’s the thing – as a woman, you can control a lot when you wear the right stuff. I’m not talking about leaving nothing to imagination – dress decently. Show some self-respect. The men tend to follow suit. Show a little self-care, self-love, self-respect and the men reciprocate it. Well, at least the decent men do.
  3. Influence – This one is kind of all emcompassing. It sums up the idea of using body language, attitudes, but it also has one more. Women have this inexplicable ability to influence men’s ideas, opinions, and thoughts. I’m not saying we control them, not by any means. It’s simply that we – almost plant a seed of sorts. Most men who have wives are influenced by their thoughts and opinions. Anytime they don’t like someone – it influences their husbands.

At the end of the day, women have quite a bit of power. Start paying attention women to what you say and how you act. You have alot more influence than you realize.

 

Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Share them with me!