Daily Life · Relationships · School tips · Work

Socially Acceptable?

Lately I’ve been thinking about social norms. Mainly because I was asked by a customer the other day what I think the biggest challenges facing women in the management workforce are. It’s a good question. Great actually. I really had to stop and think.

He and I continued to have a discussion about what the differences between men in management and women in management are. I’ve always enjoyed sociology and psychology when I take those classes. However the reality is that it doesn’t just permeate our society when it comes to management, it’s embedded into our thought process.

Gender stereotypes are weird when you think about them and heaven only knows when they started or where they came from. A great example: Pink is considered a feminine and girly color, while blue is considered a manly color. Interestingly enough these colors began as the opposite. Red was considered a manly color because it mimicked the color of blood and blue was considered feminine as it mimicked the color of flowers.

There have always been small gender stereotypes that we have allowed but the big ones are the ones I want to address today.

Guy Land – is a great example of how far we have allowed boys to fall within our society. Back when America was first being settled men were younger and more mature. They had to be. Now it is considered acceptable for men to stay in the mindset of drinking, partying, and having no responsibilities for a longer period of time. Many people love to watch the movie “Failure to Launch”. The reality is that it simply sums up what our society tolerates and calls “Men”. Like wise it’s become acceptable for people to say that if you cry, if you show any emotion besides anger, you are not a man – you are weak. However if you are a woman and you show anything like this – you are considered to be nothing more than a bitch.

It’s interesting to me how it is easier for men to get promotions, respect, and others never question their emotions in a situation or decision.

If you have ever heard the song “The Man” by Taylor Swift – you will understand what I mean. While I know society is changing and things are becoming better for women in the workforce, they are still very much opposed to women being in power. This song does a great job pointing out the differences between men and women.

Within our society it is thought that women are weaker due to being more emotional, though in all fairness i’m not sure that’s true. Society tells men to bottle their emotions – to be emotionally constipated. While a man might be considered being “strong and manly” by his friends for that, it makes it harder for women to relate to him. Yes there are times where it is nice, but lets be honest, people need relationships – they need to emotionally connect with each other. I’ve copied the lyrics for “The Man” by Taylor Swift and put them down below.

“I would be complex
I would be cool
They’d say I played the field before
I found someone to commit to
And that would be okay
For me to do
Every conquest I had made
Would make me more of a boss to you
I’d be a fearless leader
I’d be an alpha type
When everyone believes ya
What’s that like?
I’m so sick of running
As fast as I can
Wondering if I’d get there quicker
If I was a man
And I’m so sick of them
Coming at me again
‘Cause if I was a man
Then I’d be the man
I’d be the man
I’d be the man
They’d say I hustled
Put in the work
They wouldn’t shake their heads
And question how much of this I deserve
What I was wearing, if I was rude
Could all be separated from my good ideas and power moves
And we would toast to me, oh, let the players play
I’d be just like Leo, in Saint-Tropez
I’m so sick of running
As fast as I can
Wondering if I’d get there quicker
If I was a man
And I’m so sick of them
Coming at me again
‘Cause if I was a man
Then I’d be the man
I’d be the man
I’d be the man
What’s it like to brag about raking in dollars
And getting bitches and models?
And it’s all good if you’re bad
And it’s okay if you’re mad
If I was out flashin’ my dollas
I’d be a bitch, not a baller
They’d paint me out to be bad
So it’s okay that I’m mad”
The Man by Taylor Swift
Here’s my total ending – we all have stereotypes that are residual in our minds due to the way we have been raised. Society permeates everything. If you take anything away from this, learn to ask questions for why you do what you do and why you think what you think.
As Always – I would love to hear your feedback!

Daily Life · Family · Relationships · Work

Loving the Unlovable

I apologize for not writing more this week – It as been a long one filled with turmoil and a lot of Illness filling our home. That being said – I have been praying and asking God to show me what to write about. He really brought to mind for me all the people I have had in my life, specifically the difficult ones.

If there is one thing in life that is always guaranteed it’s that you will always have at least 1 difficult person in your life. I like to thing of them as the sand paper of life. God places them there to teach you something and smooth out your rough edges. With it being right on the holidays, I really felt that it was needed to talk about how to deal with the difficult people in life.

Look – When it comes to dealing with people it’s easy to deal with the nice people. The people who are good to you – it’s easy to be good to them. It’s hard to be nice to difficult people. And I’m not talking about putting up a phony front about being nice then going behind the their backs and talking about them (again – this has taken me years to learn and I’m still imperfect, so please don’t think I’m saying this from a “I can do it already” vantage point).

God calls us to love one another. Not just the people we do like but to love everyone. In Fact in Matthew 5 he gives a direct command “love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you”. We are called to do this because even unbelievers can love people who are their friends. But it shows God’s love when we can love someone. We are called to be Salt of the earth, Lights of the world. How can we do this – simple – love those who hate us.

Ok so here’s the thing – It’s hard to love that boss you have that is just really pushy and short with you. The one who rides you into the ground daily. It’s hard to deal with that girl who calls you and is always complaining. That coworker who can’t show up for work because she is “sick” then posts pictures on instagram of her going drinking with her boyfriend/girlfriends. It’s hard to forgive the man or woman who wronged you. Your ex who told you he wanted a divorce. Your husband who said something hurtful today, that you just can’t seem to let go of. I have been through all of that. It never gets easier but I have learned how to forgive these people. I have learned what helps me to start thinking of them as needing love not hate, anger, or resentment.

Here’s what I do:

  1. pray for them. I pray. I pray for them daily. If you are like me you have a prayer journal and their name is written 3 times minimum. I pray for them to become closer to God and for him to make them into the person he wants them to be. Here’s the thing – When you pray for them, it may not change the situation. It may not even change them. But it will change you. Every time God tells us to turn the other cheek, to love our enemies – he follows it with “pray for them”. Even Christ did this as he was on the cross – he said “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do”. Pray with a humble heart for the Lord to touch their lives in a miraculous way.
  2. I buy them a gift. Now this works in situations where you will see them at work daily but not in all situations. Typically I just buy them a coffee or a latte and bring it to them with a note like “your daily cup of joy”. This sounds stupid but most of the time it just lets the person know you are thinking of them. Something that small like a can of coke or cup of coffee can make their day that much better. Plus – it marks the first tangible step of forgiveness and attempt at unconditional love for me. Several of the people who have been the most difficult in my life – we now keep in touch and while we may never be best friends, I do count them as real friends.
  3. Realize that they may not change. The behavior they have – sometimes it will change. I have had an experience where it has changed but I have also had experiences where it hasn’t. I still pray for these people even though I don’t have any interaction with them. And I still send them small gifts when I can. But I also realize – their behavior might not change and it’s important to come to terms with that. But my reactions to their behaviors have.

Jesus Died for everyone. Not just for the righteous. He forgave Judas – a man who sent him to his death. One of the most interesting teachings is the Lords Prayer:

“Our Father in Heaven,

Hallowed be your name.

Your kingdom Come,

Your will be done,

On earth as it is in heaven.

Give us this day our daily bread,

and forgive us our debts,

as we also have forgiven our debtors.

And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil. ”

I just want to rest on the idea of God forgiving us our debts – think of ever sin you have ever committed (if you haven’t committed many – kudos to you but you are wrong; and if you are like me – I get it.). He forgives all of those. Every single sin that popped into your head – it’s already forgiven. Isn’t that incredible!? How could we do any less. I would like to point out that if you can’t forgive the next verse tells us that we will not be forgiven by the Father. Without forgiveness we can’t have unity as a body of believers. Without forgiveness we can’t have unconditional love. And without forgiveness – we can’t see people change or come to Christ.

It’s time to stop letting the people who are hurting influence our behavior. It’s time to be Salt of the earth and Lights to the world. It’s time to turn the other cheek. “Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you.” Matthew 5:44

Children · Daily Life · Hygge · School tips

How To Cope With Burn Out

Everyone knows what the term “burn-out” is. If you have worked in the medical field you are especially familiar with it. Why? Because it happens most within medical professionals. Think about it – doctors, nurses, caregivers – they give 110% (at least the good ones do) to their patients – every moment of everyday they have them in their care. This is why you see shows picture parents who can’t take care of their children, who have disabilities, anymore. They get burned out.

It is not limited to the medical professionals though. Anyone can become burned out. Students, teachers, engineers. Burn-out isn’t picky. This past semester I experienced probably the strongest sense of Burn-out I have ever had in a long time. And after going through it – here are the ways I learned to cope.

  1. Work Out – This hits the top of my list because I stopped doing it and when I started again I immediately noticed a large difference in my own mindset. To quote Elle from Legally Blonde “Exercise gives you endorphins; endorphins make you happy and happy people just don’t shoot their husbands!”. Now I don’t go running, my workouts are boxing or yoga (yep I pendulum swing). When I’m angry I find hitting a bag helps a lot and when I need to relax – Yoga is the key. I recommend continuing your exercise or starting to exercise as one of the best ways to cope with burn-out.
  2. Hygge – If nothing else from this blog you all will remember this word for life! Hygge – meaning take time to do you. Relax with a book and decompress. Get a cup of tea or hot chocolate and simple take time for you. This is so important because you can feel pressure to just always be on the go! Don’t fall into the trap – take time to rest. Even God rested 1 time a week.
  3. Pace Yourself – If you feel like burn-out is at your doorstep then maybe it’s time to give up something. You don’t have to be superwoman/superman all the time. Think of it this way – It would be better for you to do 1 or 2 things and do them well then to do many things – half-assed. It’s ok to prioritize and triage your own life. Sometimes it’s necessary.

I wish I would have thought about these items sooner. Maybe I wouldn’t be repeating a class for school next semester then, but life has a way of teaching lessons whether we want them or not. I’m hoping you (my readers) will learn from my mistake on this one and maybe avoid your own burn-out or somehow learn to walk the tightrope until you are better.

Daily Life · School tips · Work

Do’s and Don’ts of Writing an College Essay in a Second Language

While going through school I have been helping my brother-in-law with his essays as well as writing my own. Background – he immigrated from Peru several years ago and while his english is pretty solid(speaking), his writing is a weak point. Let’s be honest – most people who are fluent in english (reading, writing, and speaking) like naturalized citizens struggle with writing a solid essay. This list compiled down below are a few things that will help you learn to write a better essay in english if it’s your second language. I do have to say that I believe it would help with writing in any other language but I won’t swear to it.

  1. Do Organize – I’ve said it in previous posts and I’ll say it again – organize before you write. This is probably the most important step to writing an essay no matter the language. You have to organize your thoughts – write it in bullet points, do a brain web, anything that helps you get organized. It always amazes me how people ask me to read their essay and it’s so unorganized. Your brain might make the connections but I guarantee your readers will not.
  2. Do NOT Write it in Your First Language – This was new to me when I started reading my brother’s essay. He would write them in spanish and then use Google Translate to translate them into english. Now – I love Google Translate. It’s how I am able to communicate with my mother-in-law, but using it to translate more than a few sentences is a BAD idea. I know that writing, particularly in english, is very difficult, but try speaking what you are going to write as you are writing it. It will help you learn the flow of what you are trying to communicate. The problems I have found in essays that utilize a translation website are: grammar, missing words, incorrect sentence flow, and mistranslation. If you are unsure about a word – yes look that up, but do NOT use it for the whole paper or even sentences. It becomes choppy and looks like something expected out of an elementary school student.
  3. Do Read – I know that sounds weird, especially in the age of TV. That being said, however, you must read. Read and re-read your essay. Read other essays, books, magazines, and literature. No – subtitles do not count. This will not only help you become more accustomed and acclimated to the language but it will also help your grammar skills. Amazingly, I can tell who reads and who doesn’t simply by the style of writing they employ. If you aren’t going to read a book or don’t want to – please re-read your essay at least 3 times out loud. Give breaks in between your readings. It is most important that you read it out loud though, this forces your brain to find all the discrepancies your ear will hear.

I hope these help the writers out there that are struggling. Personally, I hate doing peer reviews and reading an essay that is so unorganized, choppy, and ill-written; so I’m sure my professors do also. It’s ok to need help – that’s why schools offer tutoring. It’s ok for it not to be perfect – that’s why you are in school. But it is NOT ok to not do your best and try to find a shortcut to doing a decent essay. When you get out of school – you will need these skills. Improve yourself in the safety of the classroom now – the working world is far less forgiving.

Daily Life · School tips

5 Easy Tips on How to Write a Great Essay!

Now, I’m not going to tell you that I’m an enlish major – because I’m not. I’m a nursing major, but I have written my fair share of essays and I have always gotten atleast a B+ or better on them by using these 5 tips:

  1. Brainstorm – even if it’s a prepicked topic from your college professor, brainstorm! Why? Because creativity is key. You need to stand out from the pack. Find a new way to put a spin on that topic that none of your classmates will think of! Use as much or as little paper as you need – do not limit yourself. Personally I enjoy using a Whiteboard – I can write and erase as needed and if it’s big enough – it makes a great way to step back and actually see it from a different angle – no pun intended.
  2. Outline –  I cannot stress this one enough! I have multiple friends who try to do it in one sit down and even when your brain is working at high power – it is almost impossible to do. Outline your paragraphs/main points all the way down to each sentence. This is especially important if you are new to writing in english. If people would do this then they would be able to sit down and write out an essay in a matter of 30 min.
  3. Watch your verbs – Always use strong verbs. When writing an essay do not use helping verbs. Use strong action verbs.
  4. Use your resources – People always think that they can do quotes and research off the internet. The internet is full of unreliable sources however. Use the library – it’s free, it has free resources – the librarians will be more then happy to point you in the write direction. Even alot of colleges have free libraries so if you are in highschool – start making use of the local college libraries.
  5. Check your self before you wreck yourself – Always proof read your essay atleast 3 times. The first time read it aloud – mark it up with a colored pen. Go do something else and then come back and read it a second time – silently. The third time – read it aloud again. The best way to find the errors in your writing is to read aloud. You get a sense of how your essay will sound outloud.

These are the best 5 tips I have to writing an excellent essay. While they won’t make it perfect they are my immediate go to’s anytime I have to write for college. I would also recommend getting into the right headspace to write – get a beverage, go to the bathroom before hand, turn on music that has no lyrics (like film scores). All of these will help your creativity flow and you to be able to sit for a while before you start writing. Any tips you would like to share? send them to me or leave a comment!