Life is weird. Think about it. People always describe life as being unexpected, “a highway”, “a rollercoaster”, “A box of chocolates”, like riding a wild horse – which for point-in-fact is not at all easy! People never describe life as smooth, peaceful, and relaxing. And honestly – My life is no different. I rarely share what’s going on with my family online. I do this because it’s easily misinterpreted and can become a source of pain in those relationships.
I’ve decided that today – I’m doing ok. Some days are bad. If you haven’t figured it out – I struggle with Major Depression and crippling Anxiety. They are my best friends and have walked hand in hand with me for over 10 years. Sometimes the biggest thing I do for the day is take a shower and eat. Othertimes – I’m totally functional and can have the best day of my life. I used to hate what I was. Now I’m ok. Yeah there are days I still struggle hating myself, but those days I avoid the mirrors.
This year has been harder than most. In a small snyopsis, we discovered that my father had been lying to my entire family for years, probably longer than we know. He had multiple women on the side and when I say multiple – I mean a minimum of 14. He is a narcissist and has decided that our family doesn’t matter and his behavior is our fault. My mother has bought his lies.
The only thing I can say is that all this is a lie. It’s a lie from him. It’s a lie from her. It’s one smelly sack of shit. For anyone reading this – It feels like a death. Like God stooped down and plucked them from earth without us saying good-bye. Because that’s how fast this happened. We are talking about finding all this out in a matter of months. It hurts.
But I’m doing unexpectedly Ok. Life is weird. Time heals wounds. I don’t forget, but I forgive. Why am I writing this? Because maybe some other poor girl out there is hurting from what her family did. Maybe she is hurting from the lies that her father told her for years. The judgment he used to pass around that turned out to be hypocritical. Maybe she just needs someone else out there who seems like they have it worse so she doesn’t feel soo damn crazy.
I got you girl. I get it. Life is weird. It’s an unforgiving, hurtful bitch. I totally get that. This is what I have to tell you. Life will continue. It hurts now but it won’t always. It will come in waves like you can’t imagine, when it does – let yourself feel it, don’t argue with it, just maybe don’t comfort eat with it. You did not ask for this, but it happened anyways. You did not create this, the person who choose to lie did. You will never forget but you can forgive. You are strong and You will be unexpectedly ok.